Which one came first? Chicken, Egg or the fauna appetite?

Which one came first? Chicken, Egg or the fauna appetite?

by The ExpresseR on Tuesday, 15 November 2011 at 21:44

Today, my story is based on  a  "trick" that I play to survive with little kids who wanna show off their "questioning" skills (Is it only me who is being questioned all the time, or is it how children usually are anyway?) So coming back to the story, this is what i simply ask!

"Which one came first to this world? CHICKEN or the EGG??"

They try for hours and give up, then I say its "Fauna appetite" that came first , if not for mouthwatering chicken or yummy eggs (Vegetarians out their reading this, Excuse me) we wont giva shit for which one came first ya? coz it doesn't really matter to us!. For an example, do we ever bother if Gecko or the egg came first? (well, trust me, some weirdos do)

Ok, if it was a toughy, then let me ask another question, my personal favorite "throw at" Pandith professionals i come across.

"Do a job you love, or Love the job you do?" which one is the most workable? (most creative answer so far was to "work for your mistress or toyboy") OOpzE!

Let me go back to where everybody starts when it comes to work, office ,career or a job. With the little (or big) qualifications in a plastic file, we go and face interviews after interviews after interviews. (unless the company is run by your uncle’s best friend’s ex husband’s sister’s late aunty’s grandson) With so many follow ups, influences, recommendations and even with ministers letters finally we get in to the "PLACE" where we wanted to be. We get in to the PLACE , ORGANIZATION where we wanted to be part of. For the blondes who still didnt get what i try to highlight,  almost everyone of us "like the idea" of working for THE big company.not really the particular job that we do, the kinda caliber of the people that we have to work with and most of all the bosses!

May it be the best in IT, Banking, Hospitality, Manufacturing or even government organization, are you really in love with the "role you play" or the organizational "employer brand"? so that you can blow your trumpet among your friends, relatives (local BBC & CNN) and at social gatherings that you work for "BIGAss Ltd"?

Having said that, at the start of anyone's career, how many of us have the selection power or the freedom to choose the "job role "that we always wanted to do? in other words to "do a job you love"? very few. and that also probably due to pure luck.

But for those who have been in the corporate world at least for "two Puttalam Donkeys" years (equal to about 4-6 ordinary calendar years),would realize that they actually have the power of "selecting a JOB that they could possibly love" instead of cursing and doing a job that they HATE to do.

Cutting down a long story short , at the start of your career( reality of corporate world) you have no option but to learn, like and love the job you do..Lemme repeat  my "3L" theory again, LEARN, LIKE & LOVE.

Once you establish yourself and choose the job you'd love to do , then you still may continue with old 3L, but let me suggest the most workable for many (except I , myself and me) 

Lick,(you know whom), Like (you know whom) and Love (no , not the job, but "you know whom")

welcome to the corporate world!!

cheers!

PramoD

“A funky status a day keeps the stress away?

"An Apple a day keeps the doctor away"
or
“A funky status a day keeps the stress away? “

"addiction at its best"

Seeing what’s going on nowadays, it makes me realize that we are heading in to some strange & weird world that surprisingly appreciate & celebrate every little things that happens around. Isn’t that "cool" that social media just rock! (Or suck!) (Gen X, Y, Baby boomers and "I don’t know what gen I am" lot, this is especially for you)

Look around on cyber space (not Shanthi Vihar or Buhari "Saivar Kadeys" , but the social media cyber space ) today the top status has been "happy 11:11:11". and what does it mean to you and me? nothing, but it’s just the digit sequence I guess , its kinda cool!

My point is you see, many out there look at it as something "cool" and some just don’t bother what day it is. Because it’s the era that you forget your parents birthdays (until they invite you for the birthday dinner! SHIT, no time to get a gift. and there comes the gift vouchers to cover up the damage), thanks to Facebook you kinda keep track of your siblings, spouses or fiancées birthdays (you better, coz you need them in future to remind your own birthday and also to remind that you forgot theirs).



And now It almost doesn’t really matter if you phone or text the birthday girl / boy but you wish them on FB wall for sure. and send an e- gift or a Farmville sheep or a watch dog. (May be throw a carrot). and its also important that you be part of their funky games of either dancing with some silly agricultural farm crap, casino , crime city or the good old traditional scrabble! (I personally know an addict of Scrabble, so I know what im talking about)



Ideally I should have mentioned this at the start, but nevertheless, how many friend requests that you have gotten from your office colleagues those who never smile or talk to you face to face at work? If you call it wired, how weird is it for you to actually accept them just because you feel bad? (I’m  a meanie, I block them, coz I thought it’s to KIT with people, not to make new ones through FB, me old fashioned)

"Millennials are already here"

And the opposite of making friends, you suddenly realize this certain person is not on your friends list anymore? to see your status has offended them sometime back.(yeah,who cares!) . In my case the scariest is to see "black prince", "Pirate Queen" and god damn "Bandit Queens" commenting on my status??? well I don’t really remember adding any of them. Has my account been hacked? with Goosebumps all over my body I click the profile picture to see that the a friend  has changed the FB name!



And let me wind up with a real story. There was this typical millennial plus plus new trainee, filling up the first day documentation, and she gives me a blank and confused look and tell
"well, I’m kinda stuck here filling this paper up" 
I look at where she is stuck, to see that she needs to fill in whether she is  "single, Married, Divorced or Widowed"
then i ask her politely what the problem is.
"Its just that I’m not any of these, I’m "in a relationship", and this form doesn’t have that option" she says. (you decide whether to laugh at this point or not)



Social media has gone way too deep in to the blood veins of many. But the good news is, as organizations or individuals you have god given three options left to deal with it.

1. Be part of it        (if you like)
2. Be part of it        (if you could)
3. Be part of it        (because you have no other damn option)

cheers!

PramoD

“Fresh Fresh Negombo Fish For Sale in this Stall” (teamwork at its best)

 “Fresh Fresh Negombo Fish For Sale in this Stall”

 (teamwork at its best)

 

Today, inspired by the news that Sri Lanka’s newest “Maalu Maalu” in Paseekudah has become one of the best 100 hotels in the world, my story is around few fishermen, and about how teamwork fails even before it starts.

Once upon a time, few fishermen, lets say in Negombo, tired of getting cheated by intermediate mudalalis (intermediate buyers) thought of having their own fish stall to sell their heard earned (or hard fished) fish.

So the Smartass (lets call him Pandith ,you get this type in any team, dominating & full of creative ideas but pisses the rest of the team) decides to set up the stall near the beach and puts up a big hoarding that reads “FRESH FRESH NIGOMBO FISH FOR SALE IN THIS STALL”

Ones he puts it up nicely, he calls the rest of the team members also to see the stall. One fellow is saying, “machan; do we sell rotten fish here?”
Then Pandith replies, “what have you been smoking bro? hell no, its fresh fish only”

Then the machan says, then why do you have to say fresh fresh, anybody would obviously know that we sell fresh fish since its next to the beach!!

Pandith cuts the “fresh fresh” off the hoarding. Peer pressure eh?

“  NEGOMBO FISH FOR SALE IN THIS STALL”

And another team member stares at the board and ask Pandith, “machan, do we sell down south fish here”?
Pandith says, “Duh, no, we only sell fish from Negombo”. Then the machan says, “its so obvious that we sell Negombo fish so no need to repeat that its “Negombo fish”.
Should we?

And there goes the “Negombo fish” too off from the hoarding
“  FOR SALE IN THIS STALL”

Now the Pandith is a little irritated. Nevertheless, one of the machans asks Pandith again, “machan, do we give away fish free of charge? Its so obvious that we SELL them right? So why should the board say that its “For Sale”? Nobody comes to a fish stall expecting a “dan sala”

And here goes the “for sale” also
“ IN THIS STALL”

Then the last team member tells the Pandith, “machan, obviously everybody knows that what ever that we sell is sold at this stall. So why should we look stupid by just saying “in this stall”, lets take off that too!!”

And Pandith faints with frustration!



Doesn’t this experience sound familiar? We call up meetings and form teams just to FEEL GOOD? When we very well  know that too many chefs spoil the soup, (in this case it’s a “malu kadey”) we still form teams. Teams with one or two big talkers and a dozen of “nodding passengers”?

Pandiths, love to appoint teams. But by the time the team meets up for the first time itself the Pandith has already strategised, planned, scheduled and almost implemented the project also.

Remember, that people are no more “followers” (unless badly psychologically affected due to overuse of “Twitter” ). People feel important or engaged only if you bother to express their opinion and ideas in a way that they feel that they are part of the whole project. When teams are formed with the intention of showing off one Pandith’s creativity, knowledge & authority, achieve personal hidden agendas and may be to get away from sole responsibility of  failure. Or raping the idea of  “delegation” just to pass the buck to another hardworker and wash off hands.



With all these, should we still be surprised that most of the time teamwork FAIL?

Morale of the story (well this story might have few, but let me focus on teamwork aspect for the moment)

1. Its important that you listen to others, But don’t over do it.
2. Stand by your decision, but at the same time make sure you sell it to the rest of the team
3. If you know how to cook the soup, if you have the ingredients that’s needed to make the darn thing, & if you have the balls to take the blame if it ends up taste like cowdung, then for christ’s sake forget about team forming & “do it yourself”

Cheers!

PramoD

Welcome to the Royal International Airport of Reality (Only for complainers)

“Ask, but remember that thou might not receive all the time” (pramod 3:2:1)

Whining, complaining, nagging and sobbing is a viral infection usually people get once they land at the “Royal International Airport of Reality” after getting hired.

There is a well said quotation by a damn wise man “complainers never reduce the amount of complaints, just change the topics time to time”

Let me remind you how awesome your life has been ever since it started (if it ever started "properly")! Your mum or dad didn't always give the b'day gift YOU wanted; your spouse never understood what really turns you off (or on) in most cases. Your parents do not understand your spouse , spouse doesn't understand your siblings, siblings don't understand why you have to keep quiet without taking anyone's side (at least the correct one's) and your in laws understand nobody under the sun but their puppy dog’s bark when its hungry or wanna poop!

But you expect your boss to read your Einstein mind! And the company to have telepathy to realize when you need a salary increment as your housing loan payment has increased! (or the car loan in your case). And the coworkers to predict & forecast when you’d get stuck with work and need help. and may be your subordinates to be a little more proactive in reading whats running in your supersonic super fast super natural head!

The bitter truth Is that you do not get what you want in most cases. Unless you work in Middle East for Mr Aladdin and his lamp genie (or now that he is rich, you might probably find him in Singapore running solar lamp business,if somebody ever told him about sustainability). Or Santa’s workshop where you have no fear of loosing neither elves nor reindeer! Dammit they have no value In the job market out there! (This time I'm not gonna get anything for Christmas I know, criticizing St Nicholas does no good to nobody)

And companies, after dealing with all these "never reach a climax" set of people who always complain after getting hired,recruitment approach has become worse than “magul kapukama” (marriage brokering)

Now a potential candidate should come from a

• good family (career records),
• respectable relatives (highly recommended by referrals)
• should be well educated (well that’s straight forward)
• shouldn’t have any bad ex affairs (terminations or ASKED to leave situations in the past)
• well planned future on weekends ONLY (MBA or MSc ),
• teetotaler (free of bad habits such as job seeking once hired,avoid Sunday Observer job adverts nor should visit TopJobs website even accidentally )
• If a married female, not planning a baby for the next three years will be equivalent to a PHD possession!!

And on the other hand employers, working their butt off building psychological contracts (You do not get this on a paper, invisible kinda thingy). figuring out How to get everyone to feel like HOME ? (now thats a toughy unless they allow everyone to bring parents, spouses children , In laws & that pooping puppy to work ) and the super sexy Flexi hours where nobody gets to see nobody and most off all deadlines are never met due to "i work in a different shift"

                                                                               

So lets get this damn confusion straight. Work has its own values. And home of its own. That’s why striking a work life balance has become almost THE  “promotional tool” . So if you feel as if you accidentally walked in to a lion, don't stand still thinking the lion wouldn't eat you just because you are a vegetarian.

Work is tough all right and constant complaints wont get you anywhere unless you  take them as challenges and kick ass!

Take your time and hurry up, Coz you gotta lifetime to untangle the “nool boley”

Cheers!

PramoD

Selfish, bitch, backstabber or a wannabe?

Today my story is about the social definitions of truth telling or opinion expressing. When things go critically wrong, and you just cant be bothered correcting it knowing that things won't chnage for what ever the reason. They say you are "not being corporative or proactive"

when you know that things go really wrong and you know what to do, but you fear because there are people who are more suitable and more likely (because they have authority) to do something about it and you back off. They say you are selfish. (be happy, you know what they dont)

You open up to your close friends and talk about the things that go wrong and to your surprise "DAMN friends feel the same way too". but they say you started bitching about it. (well its a skill of its own)

then you go to the top, express yourself (no comments on the outcome in most cases) and feel you did the right thing but when you return, they call you "back stabber" (yeah may be, but you had balls to do it)

and finally you decide to talk about it public in an open forum and they call you a "wannabe" (I love it)

You finally decide to give up and get the hell outtta the place, they'd thank you for your contribution, tell how much they are gonna miss you and the moment you walk out of the gate they tell each other
"poor thing, couldnt bear the presure and adopt to the environment"

What do YOU choose to be?

cheers
PramoD

Take a job & a dozen of plugins free!

Today the story is about how sometimes the “qualified” fall under “unemployed” few (hundred thousands) category and why you eventually end up with something that you never dreamt of doing. And the dozen of other free plug-ins you get FREE of charge with the supper offer called “job”.

Irrespective of the industry, may it be finance, manufacturing, hospitality to FMCG, probably the most frustrating part is “hiring”. But WHY is hiring so tough when half a million are job seekers?

Well it’s a simple miss(& Mr)understanding of the REAL thing and the perception about the IceBurg (for the blonds out there, its called an iceburg because 9/10 of the problem is under water, for super blonds , that means you see only 1/10^th of the issue) known as “JOB ”.

Freshers come to the job market with the professional and academic qualifications aiming at thir dream job. It’s of course a good thing that you posses a sound educational background (unless the company is run by your uncle’s best friend’s ex husband’s sister’s late aunty’s grandson)

But the truth is that you need to handle a little more than whats written on your JD (job description). For those who don’t know what a JD is, that’s a word document that you only look at when putting up a job advert, after that you never take it out, and nobody is supposed to know where its kept and usually you find it not been updated and untouched for few years and in most cases the job holder is doing exactly the opposite of whats written on it.

Job comes in as a package with plugins such as boss (who expects you to read his/her mind most of the time), subordinates (in most cases threatened by you, uppish , lousy or weirdos),, company culture (that should ideally run satisfaction surveys weekly) company brand acceptance in the local society you live in (that means the CNN neighbor  & your BBC relatives should recognize the company name at once without you having to give them a 30 minutes presentation)

So its about handling all these in addition to you little role that you have to play. Sometimes you might realize that it’s not really the job that you have to manage but a good 50% to 60% other “plugins”

And the trick is that you might stand a chance if you blow your trumpet big enough to make the recruiters realize that you actually can handle the role in addition to the plugins. (Or the plugins in addition to the role)

Morale of the story, its easy for everybody to bitch about what they go through. But if you do a bit of research you’d realize that everywhere is more or less the same unless you stand by you values “full of spine” armed with communication & interpersonal skills (one of those few things that you wont find at Arpico Super Centres) to balance stuff around. And never ever underestimate the value of small chats with the “successful players” who manages the product (job) as well as the plugins (dozen of free give aways)

Cheers

PramoD

Dude , you are kinda naked!

Origin of my concept story today runs way back to 7 April 1837, where it was first published with "The Little Mermaid" in Copenhagen by Hans Christian Anderson (if you do not know him , my deepest sympathies, go Google right now) as “The Emperor’s New Clothes"

Long story short for those who do not know the original story,  "The Emperor's New Clothes" is a short tale about two weavers who take a shit load of gold & money and promise an Emperor a new suit of clothes that are invisible ONLY to those unfit for their positions, stupid, or incompetent.

Finally when the Emperor parades before his countrymen showing off in his new clothes, a child cries out, "But he isn't wearing anything at all!"  (yeah, OMG situation)

 
Doesn’t this sound so familiar to you? For me “HELL YEAH”. Henchmen who keep feeding in information to the corporate emperors officially and mostly unofficially (over a social drinking session at a “private place”) AND not surprisingly those end up being the MOST credible source for decision making? (I heard you just whispering HELL YEAH)

And when hiring and promoting, the amount of jazz plays about the teamwork, technical know-how, inter-personal , analytical , leadership skills or  self driven personality crap that are just cute clichés that everybody LOVES to talks about but in most cases what makes the “modern weavers” successful is just by being POLITICALLY CORRECT. That’s right, just politically correct.

And I say don’t bitch about those who perform well being politically correct. They are politically correct because the “opinion driven modern emperors” wanna hear things that are politically correct and pleasing.

And do not bitch with weavers that the emperors are naked. Unless you have the balls to be that child replica and say “dude, you are NAKED” (make sure you have a good rapport / reputation in the job market so that you can find another job as you are gonna get fired for sure, unless you sound “politically correct “ at the last minute again)

And don’t try to be a smartass and tell “dude , the treasury is empty and weavers have taken all the gold away”, coz then the next question is from emperor ,“what the hell have you been doing without highlighting it to the emperors?”  (Gotcha! , your fault AGAIN)
And another smartass go and tell “dude emperor, don’t shoot the messenger” and probably that was his last few words in that kingdom!!

Morale of the story guys, Nobody talks but everybody knows that being POLITICALLY correct can do wonders! And if you expected me to mention the way out of this chaos. Sorry, I don’t give solutions here, I'm just trying to show how relevant an ancient story can get in modern corporate world.
Its been 174 years since this story came in to children’s story books in many different languages. And I say its now time that this comes as a management crash course. For the corporate children.

Cheers

PramoD